Indeed, time flies so fast. It seemed only yesterday that I was still pregnant...and afraid...and excited...and nervous...and worried...all at the same time.
I was afraid because I'm not sure if I'm going to be a good mom. I was afraid to break you...literally and figuratively. I was not sure if I have the strength nor the patience of all the good moms that I know. I was worried that you're going to hate me...because I'm too strict or too "bungangera" or too short or too quiet just like all the rebel kids that I know who hate their parents, simply because they want to. I'm not sure if I was ready for the role that God has enthrusted to me.
But yes, we were excited. We even have a name prepared for you even before your dad and I got married. Marxene Marie...Max for short. Oh well, we thought that we are going to have a daughter. I never entertained the idea that I'm going to have a son maybe because girls get to wear pink clothes and cute headbands and adorable shoes. I thought I liked that.
We dreamed about you...we prayed for you...even before you were conceived, we loved you, we talked to you and we planned for you.
And then, we saw you...with your heart beating so loud and strong...a life inside of me. I could never be any happier. We were also informed that instead of a daughter, we will have a son.
Our dilemma...we did not prepare a name for a son. It's obvious that we have to call you Max because we've been calling you that ever since I can remember. And so we decided to give tribute to our fathers by giving you their name...and I hope their strengths too.
I never dreamed of a son, but I was given one and I knew right away that you were perfect for me, I never liked pink anyway.
Today, I hope time won't go that fast because I still want to cherish evey moment that we are together...when you hug me at night, when you shower me with kisses (wet ofcourse!) every morning, when you excitedly hug me when I get home from work, when you'd look at me and ask for my approval every time you'd do something adorable and funny...Oh yes, you're so funny and spontaneous and happy...and I love you and I'm thankful that you are still happy and innocent. And I'm praying everyday that we will be able to protect that for as long as we can.
Happy birthday luvs! Always remember that you're the best thing that ever happened to me. You are important, more important than the pain that anyone can cause. Life isn't perfect, but I thank God for giving me someone who holds my hand at night, someone who reminds me to have fun and to not be afraid, someone who makes me laugh and angry (oh, yes, that's possible!) at the same time, someone who makes everything worthwhile.
I love you...and I will always be here for you.
Love,
Mom
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