Dear Max,

I worry a lot. I can’t sleep most nights. The sickness that’s been affecting a lot of people for over a year now had taken its toll on me. I’m scared for us.

Of course, it has affected us, me and dad was infected a year ago. But that was when the sickness didn’t affect kids. It was scary then, but its scarier now. Everyone was trying to cope, to live with some level of normalcy but we all know that this is not normal. And yet, all I can ever do is to pray.

This is one of those times when we are not in control and it’s scary knowing that. We can take precautions. We can do the necessary activities to prevent infection but we can only do so much. Everything else is out of our control.

I am grateful because we still have work but our work also puts us in so much risk. Everytime we go out, we are at risk not only of being infected but also of bringing the virus home.

Every night, I just lie down and pray, that just like the Israelites of long ago, our house will be spared, that the angel of death will pass over us. In the end, we can only hold on to our faith, that God will have mercy on us and heal the world.

“Lord, please protect our family, our friends. Please keep us safe and healthy. Give us the strength to overcome this difficulties, watch over our healthcare workers and heal us. In Jesus Name, Amen.”

I love you, Max. Always know that.

Love,

Mom

Dear Max,

When you’re older know that…

You can never please anybody to gain their approval. Any self-aware person knows that and it’s crazy to even try.

The people who love you will always love you, no matter what you do. Those who don’t will always find reasons not to. They will pretend that there’s a slight chance that you can change their mind or heart if you do what they say…but if you do it, it will never be enough…you have to do more. And then, you become their slave. You become a puppet with strings. You become someone that you’re not. You will hate yourself because you are betraying who you are. And then they will blame you because you changed, because you became sad and miserable.

Change for the better because you want to, because you’re ready. Change because you want to grow, because you want to be the best version of yourself. Do not compete with others. Life is not a contest, you don’t have to compare yourself with anyone. Live your life calmly, peacefully, knowing full well that you will get there, in your own time, at your own pace.

Know that imperfection is perfection, it’s part of life. Mistakes will teach you to be more careful. Failure will teach you to be humble. Obstacles will teach you to persevere, to be patient. Success will teach you to have faith, to never give up. Experiencing all of these will teach you that life is more tasteful when lived courageously,  without fear of mistakes, of failures, of difficulties because they are all part of life.

Open your mind to the possibility that your way will not always be the best way. There’s always an opportunity to learn new ways of doing things, maybe more efficient way, but you cannot force these things to others even if you believe your way is the best. Different people do things differently. Respect that.

Loving people will open their heart to everyone. Miserable people will always demand and criticize and blame.

To a loving person, you will always be enough. Choose that. Be that.

Love,

Mom

 Dear Max,

Naalala ko lang nung bata pa ako, meron akong classmate na nagalit sa kin. Nakita nya kasi akong nakikipaghabulan sa classmate namin habang naghihintay kami ng uwian. Tapos na yung klase, nakapaglinis na kmi ng classroom, hinihintay lang nmin bumalik yung teacher namin. Nagalit sya, umiyak, nagsumbong sa teacher. Sabi nya, she was trying to stop us from breaking something daw. Sa totoo lang, wala nman tlagang masisira sa public school classroom. I found it so disturbing at that time, parang ang OA nung reaction nya. Pwede nmang pagbawalan lang kami di ba? Without the drama and the crying na Judy Ann Santos level. Hindi ko maintindihan dati pero now, I realized,  she was so used to being the center of attention, so nung nakita nya na masaya kming magkakaklaseng naghahabulan sa loob ng classroom bago mag uwian at hindi sya makasali, she cried. She justified her tantrum with a noble reason, she was looking after me and my classmates. Pwedeng hindi sya aware sa ginawa nya, anyway, bata pa kmi non, elementary pa lang and that was a long time ago. Naalala ko sya now kasi naalala ko yung feeling. 

Sometimes, ang OA ng reaction ng mga tao sa tin, minsan simple lang yung issue pero kala mo kung ano ng krimen ang nagawa mo. I realized that these people are not really reacting to what we did. They’re just using the situation to seek attention or to live the drama that they are creating inside their head. Maybe, they’re so used to being the center of attention tapos suddenly, hindi sila napapansin. Or maybe, they are miserable so when they see people around them who are happy, they get angry, they get jealous. They need to make the people around them as miserable as they are. 

Pero kahit ano pang reason nila, these people will terrorize you, they will drag you away from your happiness, they will force you to take part in their drama. And sometimes, mapipilitan kang magparticipate. But if you do that, please take note that you will never get the leading part, lagi kang kontrabida sa istorya ng buhay nila. Bakit? Kasi nga it’s their story. Sila ang bida don and it’s their narrative that you need to follow. Hindi ka pwedeng magpaliwanag, buo na ang script, so just play the part that was forced in to you.

Pero if you can refuse to participate, please, for your own peace of mind, for your own sanity, do so. Get as far away as you can and never look back. Kasi if you look back, baka maawa ka, if you listen baka maniwala ka and before you know it, they already suck all your happiness, all your hopes, all your dreams.

Always be careful.

Love,

Mom