Today I saw you pedal your own bike. I felt happy and proud but at the same time I felt a bit sad. Maybe because I realized that you are officially NOT a baby any more. Sooner or later you will have your own friends...have your own activities, go to school, court a girl (or girls?), have your own life. I just hope that it won't be too soon coz I still want to savour these moments when "mommy" is the most important person in the world... These times when you don't want to get out of my sight so you follow me around (my little"buntot"), when you can't sleep without holding and embracing me, these moments when you still cry when I go to work.
I still want to sing with you...oh, I mean, I still want to sing our favorite Barney songs while you lead us thru the action, you're so good at remembering those moves. I still want to go under the blanket with you while we laugh our hearts out. Oh, and I still want to read your favorite books..."goodnight moon" and "Cuddly Kittens" (okay, this one's my favorite!). It's so easy to make you happy!
This past 2 years probably is the most unproductive years of my life...unproductive because I haven't finished reading any of my new books ( yes, the Kindle is still inside its box), haven't finished any of my projects, haven't jogged and exercised in a long while. I haven't taken any new course to study... haven't written anything worthwhile. I haven't done anything for myself...haven't travel, haven't done anything spontaneous and crazy.
Sometimes, I feel a bit sad because I feel that I haven't accomplished anything. But when I look at you, I remember what I have been doing this whole time...I am raising a happy kid and it's worth more than all of those "accomplishments"!
Someday, everything will go back to "normal", I'll be able to have a peaceful and uninterrupted sleep (without that little monzter who wrestles me defenselessly), I'll be able to bathe at my own pace (without that little fist pounding at the door)...I'll be able to sit down and read (oh, I can't sit down long enough without being pulled/pushed by the little boss) or write or do whatever I want...I'll be able to have coffee and long conversations with my friends (oh, i miss this!) someday, when you grow up, I'll be able to take care of those things that I put aside when you came...
But for now, I'll be your big "buntot", watching over you, playing with you, hugging and kissing you. I'd like to take this opportunity when you still want mommy around.
You are an angel enthrusted to us by God. We are here to take care of you, to learn from you (yes, I've never learned so much in my life than these past 2 years!), to show you who you are...and yet, we do not own you. Someday, you will have to go on your own. I just pray that when that day comes, you will be ready...oh, and that we will be ready too.
So for now, we will play, we will laugh, we will dream, we will wonder! For now, I will look at the stars and be happy just like before...when I was a child.
Thank you for helping me to remember my happy thoughts!
I love you babyhan.
~mommy
6/26/2014
